Is this really necessary?

I was in a very pissy mood when leaving the Emissions Testing Center, after they made me pay not only for an emissions test but for a $15 VIN verification (which is essentially $15 for some dude to look at my VIN plate and mark "this is not a stolen car" on a form), so when I came to this intersection, I could feel acid sarcasm rising inside me but I had no immediate outlet. So I took a picture to share with you:



Is this arrow really fucking necessary? If there were no arrow here, would there be some stupid ass motherfuckers out there who would come to this intersection and drive through the BRICK WALL ahead, thinking they had more options than left or right? Jesus H. Christ... *shakes head*

Unhappy Birthday

Today is my 29th birthday and it's not starting off well.

12 minutes into February 20, 2009, I am trying my best to fend off a panic attack that is trying to tear its way through me. Two hours ago, my mom informed me that my aunt's Stage 1 breast cancer is actually Stage 2, as it's apparently in her lymph nodes. Less than a month ago, the doctors thought it was nothing, not even worrisome enough to be called Stage 1. Now, after a lumpectomy, a few biopsies, and too many mammograms, here we are.

I know that Stage 2 is NOT Stage 4, so I don't need to be freaking out just yet. However, I can't pretend not to be scared and sad about this news, because I'm very close with this particular auntie, and I just don't know how to cope with such a harsh discovery. The rational side of me wants to do what I always do and use the Law of Attraction and the power of positive thought to help her kick this thing. I want to set up my altar, burn sage and candles, meditate, and send her all the happy and healing thoughts I can muster. The irrational side of me wants to cry myself to sleep and let this panic attack take hold. Well, I don't WANT to let the panic rush over me, I just know that's what will happen if my defenses break and the tears begin to flow. Just two weeks ago, I had the worst panic attack I'd had in two years, so I am really not looking forward to having two big ones in two weeks, especially when my Xanax supply is nearly exhausted...

28 minutes into my 29th birthday now, blogging to keep myself busy, distracting myself with Pandora.com internet radio, stalling so I won't have to crawl into bed with my racing thoughts. I'm desperately trying to ignore the downward spiral below me, beckoning me to start worrying about the fragility of life, the "you never know what will happen tomorrow"-ness, and (worst of all) mortality in general. Actually, no, not in general. Mortality in specific, specific to someone I love dearly and who means a whole helluva lot to me.

Fuck.

This just sucks. I really, really, REALLY hope my birthday gets a bit brighter in the next 23 hours and 22 minutes...

Just checking in

Life is grand.

I can't get over how much I love my job. I keep waiting for there to be something about it that pisses me off or something that I hate about it but there isn't anything (so far). My boss is incredibly cool and extremely supportive, my fellow teachers are wicked cool (as far as I can tell, although I don't know them terribly well yet), and I absolutely adore my teaching assistants. I try to decide which of them is more wonderful and it's impossible to choose. My team is extremely passionate about the program and about clinic and it's just an absolute pleasure to work with them. This is my 4th weekend in clinic and my 12-hour shifts still feel like regular 8-hour days. Blessed Be.

Outside of work, not a whole lot is going on. I (finally) joined Netflix this week so I've been spending too much time catching up on 2 seasons of The Office and 30 Rock. The instantly downloadable movies are the greatest thing ever, especially with my fabulous new laptop. I watched The Muppets Take Manhattan two nights ago and it pretty much made my week. Fucking classic.

Let's see... my 29th birthday is this Friday the 20th. Please feel free to send jewelry, gift cards, or just plain ol' cash. Thanks.

Is it spring yet? I'm so ready for the season change! I'm noticing the 7am sky getting lighter each week when I drive in to work so I really wish the temp change would come with it. After a year in Tucson, land of constant summer, I am chomping at the bit for a beautiful Colorado springtime. The tree-hugging dirt worshiper in me can't wait to see the buds on those trees. *sigh* Alas, the Equinox is still 5 weeks away...

Alright, I guess that's about all for now. Sorry it's been so long between posts. I keep thinking about writing but all I really come up with is more variations on "I LOVE MY JOB" and I figure that probably gets boring for you folks after awhile. I'll try to be more interesting later...