Homesick. Well, schoolsick, actually...

It's been well-documented here that I'm quite pleased with my job. It's a great fit, I've made some amazing friends, and I'm very happy.

Sometimes it makes me kind of sad, though.

Working in a massage school, seeing the students in their close-knit groups and studying anatomy and whatnot, it makes me really miss my classmates.

More specifically, it makes me miss my year at BCMT.

2003 was the best year ever. I was learning, I was growing, I was making life-long friends and connections, and I was going to the best school in the country to do it. My class was extremely close-knit. We laughed all the time. We supported each other through thick and thin. We partied together and studied together. We laid in each other's laps in class and rubbed each other's hands or feet or latissimus dorsis.

I cannot find the words to describe how much I miss that year and that experience, and how badly I wish I could re-live it. Sure, it was hard. I wouldn't be terribly excited to retake my pathophysiology mid-term or my anatomiken final, but it would be worth it to re-live so many of the best moments of my life.

Every day at work when I see the students, I find myself filled with a strange kind of jealousy (school envy?) as I watch them go about their day. Yes, even the ones who seem to hate being in my class. :) Oh, would that I could go back in time to hating my movement class...

*sigh*

I guess I'm homesick for school. Schoolsick, if you will.

On the plus side, I gave a massage to my best friend from BCMT last night, Miss Heidee, which gave me a taste of "back then" just by reminiscing and laughing with her again. I definitely need to see that girl more. I think it'll help with my current condition.

But you can't go backwards, right? All I can do is move forward and bring those memories with me, learning and growing and adding to my human experience. Until someone invents a time machine, of course. Then I am totally going back to January 2003. For the reals.

Gratitude List, 3/8/09

- First of all, I am grateful for having known James Meadow, one of the fabulous writers at the Rocky Mountain News and one of my mom's dear friends. She worked at the News with him for over 10 years and I had the pleasure of meeting him on several occasions. He was a brilliantly funny man, with a biting sarcastic streak, and a wonderful writer; basically, my kind of guy. He passed away today, after a freak bike accident that may go forever unsolved, and the world is a little less bright today. I am just so happy and grateful to have known him.

- I am grateful that my aunt Janice's breast cancer was not as advanced as we'd feared, with the 15 removed lymph nodes coming back clean from pathology. It's a shame she has to go through chemo and radiation but she's alive and well, and will remain so for a good, long time. I'm very close with her and she has gone through hell over the last 14 years while her daughter had a lung disease leading to a double lung transplant, so it is a huge relief that she'll be okay.

- I am grateful to have landed what is, at this point in my life, my dream job. I know a lot of you are probably sick of hearing me say this but I absolutely love my job. I don't expect you to understand WHY I love a job that requires my crazy weekend hours, hours that so few would be willing to work, but just know that my work makes me happy. As it turns out, I'm a very good manager and I'm quite proud of myself for this. I wasn't sure I was management material when I was originally interviewing for the position, being the emotional Pisces that I am, but I've really surprised myself with my competence, drive, and passion. Helping to mold the MT's of tomorrow is wonderful! Now if I can just learn to watch my mouth... (*looks at Jimmy*) :)

- I am SO unbelievably grateful for my co-workers, every single one of them. I get along well with literally every single employee at DSMT, even the one who gave me problems for the first few weeks while she was warming-up to me. I am particularly in love with Colt, Jimmy, Nancy, Aubrey, Alecia, Colleen, Andrew, Alex, and Angie but I've shared laughs with or learned something from everyone else, in some capacity or another. Yes, even Bryan, despite his Red Wings Fan-ness... There were only a handful of great coworkers at my last job (lookin' at you Stacia and Kristina!), which may be part of why Tucson was so hard for me. It's just so nice to genuinely like everyone at work, up to and including my boss.

- I am also, of course, grateful for the paycheck I now make at said job, for it has put me in the position to buy real estate! The fear of my speedy decision to buy has mostly passed, leaving behind excitement and impatience. I cannot wait until April 1 to move into my own home, one that I own by myself and do not owe to my husband's salary. I realize, of course, that I created my own reality, saying since Jan 1 that "2009 is my year! I'm going to get an amazing job, turn 29, and buy a condo" so I realize that I manifested all that is happening. I just, yunno, am in shock at the speed with which I've created my world. It's only March 8, for Pete's sake! My power over Law of Attraction is just getting silly...


- I am grateful that my cat did not destroy anything while I was at work today. He's been angry at me for being gone so much on the weekends and usually destroys some amount of toilet paper or knocks everything off my vanity by Sunday night. I'm also grateful that I'll be able to get him a baby brudder to play with once I move. I'll also reward him with a big, ol' scratching post tower thing. The one shaped like a pagoda. :D

- I am grateful, yet again, for having dinner with Ash and Landon at Jose O'Shea's after a loooong day at work. Guac + laughs = hooray. I love you guys.

- I am grateful that Karena gave me an anatomically-correct, knitted heart for my birthday. It's so brilliantly and uniquely "Karena". Hooray for anatomy!

- I am grateful that I have a fucking rockstar of a stylist! I've never gotten so many compliments on my hair as I have since Meta took the reins. She's so awesome, she actually got me to take the time to straight-iron my wavy mop head every day. Hells yes.

- I am grateful that Sky is still stuck in clinic for two more shifts before graduation. Sure, he's an arrogant prick and I kind of want to strangle him whenever he talks but, DAMN, that boy can give a massage! I am so grateful to be the clinic manager so that I can take full advantage of his last few shifts before he's certified. Got 100 minutes of hard-core, painfully deep tissue massage from him Saturday and I'll likely be sore until Tuesday but, FUCK, I feel good!!!

- And, finally, I am grateful for every silly, dopey inside joke that brings on a fit of giggles. Vince the ShamWow guy, hiding the sausage (burrito), sparkly boobs, my gay 'work husband' adding "let me know if you wanna make out" to the end of every email he sends me, Nancy's under-wire, semen as the cure to the common cold, WORD/DIGIT, every one of the thousands of 'Your Mom' jokes that have spilled from Tyler's lips, Virginia's muffin top, Frontier vs. United, The national anthem of Uruguay, one fairie being in charge of all the monkey sex, my cat studying to become a shoe, and, of course, the Snuggie (because 'conventional blankets' can slip off when you reach for the remote!). I am always, always grateful for laughter and joy, friendship and love. To anyone who is reading this and with whom I've ever shared a laugh, know that I love you and appreciate you more than you can imagine!

Movin' on up and freakin' on out

First and foremost, I'd like to say that if you don't have anything nice or encouraging to say to this post, keep it to yourself because I'm excited.

I put in an offer on a townhouse today. YIKES!

I know, I know. Fast. I move really fast. Seemingly too fast. Don't I want to look around more? Have I thought this through? Can I afford it? Shouldn't I live with Ty for a few more months and save up a bit more? Am I insane?

Let's make a pro and con list, shall we?

Pros:

- Close to work and family (read: Arvada, CO 80003)
- I was really hoping I could get a townhouse instead of a condo!
- Carport that opens directly into the kitchen. No hauling groceries up any stairs!
- The mortgage will be $518 plus taxes, bringing it up to $586. HOA is $170. Total monthly payment will be $756. Most apartments cost more than that and I can't imagine finding a townhouse this nice for that price.
- Brand-new remodeled kitchen and bathroom, with granite counters, never-been-used black appliances (shut up, I like black appliances), new cabinets, new vanity in the bath, and all new fixtures. Plus, there's a PERFECT, unobtrusive place for a litter box in the bathroom.
- Brand-new, high-quality carpet
- Freshly-painted with high-quality floorboards, molding, and doors.
- All east-facing windows, except in 2nd bedroom which is small south-facing.
- LOTS of storage space, from big ol' closets throughout and an outdoor storage space for my hockey equipment and camping gear.
- Double-pane windows
- I talked to the neighbor to ask what she thought of the area and she said she's been there three years and loves it.
- Small, fenced outdoor patio area with just enough space for me to attempt gardening but not so much that I'll feel like a mass plant murderer again (RIP, plants of 2005).
- I love the living room. For the reals.
- CHFA (Colorado Housing and Finance Authority) is giving me the 3.5% down-payment money thanks to a new program they rolled out and I will pay $1000 for earnest money. Interest rates as of today are 5.0%, which apparently is retardedly low. And I may or may not qualify as a first-time buyer (was on the deed to our house but not on the financing...) and might get the $8000 tax credit Obama rolled out this year.
- 824 sq ft of awesomeness, across the street from King Soopers, 7-Eleven, liquor store, and about a mile from Target, Qdoba, and my favorite Chinese restaurant ever.
- New-ish furnace
- Seller will pay closing costs and my first 8 months of HOA fees, thus my mortgage will only be slightly more than what I'm paying to live in Ty's spare bedroom. Yunno, for 8 months.

Cons:

- I'm scared.
- I only just started looking into buying LAST THURSDAY and wasn't even serious about it. It all just kind of happened because I wanted to see the inside of this other place in Old Towne Arvada and it all just snowballed.
- I was planning to live with Ty through summer so that I can save a bit more cash and now I feel like I may be jumping into this too quickly just because the place is so perfect for me.
- I'm scared.
- It's a middle unit. As in, it's between two other units. As in, it's not an end unit. Like, when I have parties, I probably shouldn't blast the music.
- I'm scared.

Okay, well, it's not like this matters at the mo'. I put in an offer already so... yunno... just gotta wait and see. If it's accepted, that'll be SCARY but awesome. If it's not, well, that'll suck but then I can go back to plan A. *sigh*

Did I mention that I'm scared?

Speaking of drama...

Step 1: Submit Facebook friend request to ex-husband.

Step 2: Wait 2 1/2 months while ex-husband mulls it over before accepting FB request.

Step 3: Peruse his profile; see that he has himself listed as single and interested in dating; have the stones to look through ex-husband's photo albums, including the many pics he still has of him with his ex-girlfriend, who moved out back in October.

Step 4: Leave (what I thought was) a benign comment on a picture of them saying "Didn't you guys break up, like, months ago?"

Step 5: Ex-husband's ex-girlfriend messages him, saying "If your friends are going to comment on pictures of me, please remove my pictures from your page".

Step 6: Ex-husband deletes me from Facebook, only hours after adding me, and sends me an angry email about what a bad friend I am and that I have no tact and that I made that comment hoping that she would see it and he's rethinking his decision to try and be friends with me and blah blah blah.

Step 7: Wash hands of ex-husband, I guess. Or he washes his hands of me. Sheesh. WTF?

Minor epiphany

I think I just realized why this job is so great for me and why I'm succeeding as well as I am.

Well, other than "because I'm passionate and smart and love what I do", of course.

Drama.

It's the drama. Student drama. Adult student drama. Dramas that aren't actually Earth-shattering or life-ending or really all that important in the scheme of things, but they seem like it at the time, when I'm dealing within this microcosm.

I'm not very good with the World At Large. Darfur, the wars going on around the world, the economy, local murders happening in my backyard, all the actual scary dramas happening everywhere on Earth. They scare me and I can't handle them. Well, maybe I can but I don't handle them well. Panic rushes upon me in the blink of an eye until I'm spiraling downward within my mind, over something that has nothing to do with me and over which I have no control.

At DSMT, there are mini-dramas going on all the time. All. The. Time. Student X is about to fail Clinic III and what do we do about that?, or Student Y is pitching a major fit that she wasn't selected to do chair massage at the Open House even though she's 8 months preggers and can't be on her feet all day, or Student Z is a psycho and just freaked out and told me "I can't help it if I'm a fucking cunt!" Drama. All. The. Time.

In the midst of it, it's all-consuming and I lose myself in discussions with Jimmy and Nancy about "Did Sarah drop out of the program or is she just ditching clinic?" or "Class D-28 had a 92% show rate!" or "Did you hear Gabriella already has a cruise ship job lined up?!" We spend a good part of our Saturdays and Sundays in discussions and meetings over these things, figuring out game plans to help troubled students or making sure to give credit where credit is due to the fabulously successful ones.

These dramas don't "matter" like the outside ones do. They affect only the people directly involved. The biggest difference to me, though, is that I am a part of it and, often, I am in control as the instructor of the class and manager of the clinic. I completely immerse myself in it, I am passionate about helping or supporting or motivating them, and I always look forward to my next shift. For 40 hours a week, I have some manner of control over (seemingly) major life dramas. And I get to dress really cute while I'm doing it.

I love what I do and I can feel myself thriving.