So... ummm... I've got breast cancer. No, I'm not joking. I really do. Invasive ductal carcinoma. I'm not sure what stage it is yet but I think it's stage 2. Will get more info later when I meet with my surgeon for a consult on Wednesday.
It's so very strange. I've been having panic attacks my whole life and the majority of them are spurned on by my mild hypochondria, usually when I self-diagnose cancer of some kind or another. I can't tell you how many nights I've found myself in a downward spiral of fear and panic at the mere idea of receiving a diagnosis like this. Many a Xanax has sacrificed its life to settle my crazy ass down.
Yet since I received this news on 7/8/09, I've only had one real panic attack and it was the first night after getting the diagnosis. Sure, I cried quite a bit on Wednesday and Thursday but, since then, I've been eerily calm. I'm not sure if I'm still in shock (doesn't feel like it) or in denial (doesn't feel like that either) or if I've just come to terms with it in record time and have just started moving forward.
I figure I have two options: I can stay calm and positive, choosing to beat this and knowing this will pass, surrounding myself with laughter and the love of my friends and family, or I can cry and worry and freak out and make myself sicker & sicker. It's a very easy choice for me. I'm only 4 days into my new identity as Amber Levene: Cancer Patient, and I feel comfortable in the role and confident that it is a temporary one.
It's hard to describe. Maybe it's like being in the eye of the storm? But I'm feeling very "one foot in front of the other", "one day at a time" and all that jazz.
*shrug*
I dunno. Anyway... just wanted to share and let y'all know what's going on...
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3 comments:
I am so sorry to hear this, but GOOD for you on making the conscious choice to be a survivor! We will keep you in our thoughts, and look forward to hearing more about what the next steps are. Maybe when all is done and said we can go together to get tattoos, remember, we had a date! :) Take care - M&B
I’m sorry to hear about your diagnosis but you can beat this!!! My wife went through this and she is now cancer free. I won’t sugar coat it, it’s a struggle but you have family and friends to support you and you will be fine in when all treatments are done!!!! You certainly have me thinking about you and You will be in my thoughts!!! Hugs , Gary C.
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