Okay, now for the horrifyingly bad news.
They basically gave me the worst news they could've given me based upon the information they have (mammogram, ultrasound, MRI, & results of tumor biopsy).
I am scheduled to have a double mastectomy, with reconstruction, on Aug 20. I'll start chemotherapy probably in September sometime. They won't know if radiation is necessary until after they check the lymph nodes, which they'll get during the mastectomy. I'll be genetically tested for the BRCA gene mutation in the next week or two and, if that test comes back positive, they'll probably remove my ovaries too because it puts me at risk for ovarian cancer.
Worst. Day. Ever.
What's next? I meet with my plastic surgeon on Tuesday to learn more about my reconstruction surgery. I meet with Oncology next Thursday to get that scary crap squared away. And in the meantime, I do my best not to fucking lose my mind.
I'm having a very hard time staying positive, trying so hard not to go to the dark and depressing corner of my mind where the Worst Case Scenarios live. Of course, I just got all of this news today so obviously I'm not expecting myself to process it all in the scant hours since the rug was pulled out from under me but still. I don't even want to "go there" because it will drive me mad.
Anyway, my first course of action is that I'm gonna go get a pedicure before heading back to school tonight. I just wanted to update everyone on the horrible fucking news. Thanks for the thoughts and prayers. I hope I'll eventually get some good news to go along with 'em...
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2 comments:
Hi Amber,
Dyanna Ivy here - Johanna's mom, Erica's grandma. I got the news via Donna and Nan, and of course, I am stunned. I want you to know that I am holding you in my thoughts and prayers through all this. This is going to be a marathon emotionally and physically. I firmly believe that we can transfer energy and hope and that we can be strong for each other. So I am sending you all that every day - Here is a giant hug.
Dy
Oh Amber, I'm so sorry. Ben and I will be thinking of you and sending good energy. If there is ANYTHING we can do please let us know. Even if its going out for pedicures or having a movie marathon or having ice cream for breakfast. We're thinking of you! Hugs - M&B
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