Wednesday, December 1, 2010
For you ink lovers out there...
Wanna see what my tattoo is up to these days? After 12 hours of work, the lining and shading is done and he started a bit of color today cause we had some time left at the end of the session. I go in again on 1/11/11, which is cool cause this is my "I kicked cancer's ass" tattoo and 1/11 is the anniversary of my last chemo treatment. :)
Wednesday, October 13, 2010
Never Like That
I have touched and felt
I have yearned and wanted and needed
I have experienced the many pleasures
of the flesh
but never like that
Hours going by
As pleasure rises and falls
the ebb and flow
torrid then calm
you withhold your ecstasy
Waves crashing anew
Always yet another wave to wash over me
Wash over you
And still you wait
That look
A look I've never seen
A look I've never known
A look I'll never forget
I've been looked at and looked through and looked
up and down
but never like that
The perfect white street light
filtering through closed blinds
highlighting
every beautiful curve and shadow
the intensity of desire in your
chiseled face
Drum and bass pumping
pumping
pumping in the background
An invisible DJ seemingly syncing
with our breath
with our pulse
with our rocking
and our rolling
Ambiance I have experienced before
but never like that
I am consumed and reborn
in the flames of passion
in the embrace of a stranger
and in the confidence of self
a dizzying concoction
intoxicating
Sweetly poisonous like
absinthe on the tongue
Many pleasures have I known
Many lovers have I experienced
For hours, days, months or years
Never.
Like.
That.
I have yearned and wanted and needed
I have experienced the many pleasures
of the flesh
but never like that
Hours going by
As pleasure rises and falls
the ebb and flow
torrid then calm
you withhold your ecstasy
Waves crashing anew
Always yet another wave to wash over me
Wash over you
And still you wait
That look
A look I've never seen
A look I've never known
A look I'll never forget
I've been looked at and looked through and looked
up and down
but never like that
The perfect white street light
filtering through closed blinds
highlighting
every beautiful curve and shadow
the intensity of desire in your
chiseled face
Drum and bass pumping
pumping
pumping in the background
An invisible DJ seemingly syncing
with our breath
with our pulse
with our rocking
and our rolling
Ambiance I have experienced before
but never like that
I am consumed and reborn
in the flames of passion
in the embrace of a stranger
and in the confidence of self
a dizzying concoction
intoxicating
Sweetly poisonous like
absinthe on the tongue
Many pleasures have I known
Many lovers have I experienced
For hours, days, months or years
Never.
Like.
That.
Wednesday, October 6, 2010
New Ink!
I am totally woozy after another 4-hour tattoo sitting but thought I'd share the pictures. Funny how clenching in pain for 4 hours makes you feel like you've just run a marathon or something... I am totally BEAT! Anyway, my fire and water have combined and after 8 hours under the needle, my outline is complete. Color and shading start on Dec 1. Can't wait!
My artist free-handed the art onto my back with sharpies...
OUCH.
My artist free-handed the art onto my back with sharpies...
OUCH.
Thursday, August 12, 2010
Gratitude List, 8/12/10
Attitude of Gratitude in 3... 2... 1...
- I'm grateful for my kick-ass friends who talked me out of being sad about my breakup with Cory in all of 15 minutes flat. After telling them the story of our fight and the mean things he said, they pointed out that none of this breakup really had to do with me at all, that Cory showed his true colors for the first time, and his true colors span the entire spectrum of the Douche Rainbow. I'd go so far as to say it's a full Double Douche Rainbow (double rainbow!!!). Tre, Greylin, mom, and Emily, thanks for letting me get it out and then for showing me the douchey light. That guy sucked, no matter how hot he was. NEXT!!!
- I'm grateful for the peace I've been feeling within myself these days. I posted it in a status update last week but it bears repeating: never in my 30 years on this planet have I been so comfortable in my own skin and been so 100% happy with all that I am and all that I have and everything that makes me Me. I love me, all 185 pounds of me, mastectomy scars and all. And I love that I love me. It's nice. ^.^
- I am grateful that I have a 2-month old nephew who is healthy and thriving, and that my sister is also still healthy and thriving. That baby saved her life. Not to mention made her infinitely more tolerable to be around (funny how NOT being on meth will do that to a person...). It's so nice to have an actual relationship with my 24-year-old sister for the first time in our lives.
- I'm grateful that my cousin Melitta is still holding onto every available breath and fighting to stay alive long enough to have a second lung transplant. Come on, Universe, help us out a little bit here. All we're asking is for ONE measley perfect little lung, type AB+. Is that so much to ask? Didn't think so. GET ON IT!
- I'm grateful that my grandma has apparently had an epiphany about where she's at in life and has decided to just accept the fact that she's 87 years old and stop punishing everyone around her for that fact. By all accounts, she's been doing really well over the last week or so, instead of driving herself and everyone else mad. I really hope it sticks and she can go back to enjoying her remaining years instead of hopelessly dreading the end.
- I'm grateful that my massage practice is thriving! Cancer really put it on hold over the last year, which sucked cause I bought this house with the intention that massage would help me pay my HOA and other bills. I'd been living paycheck to paycheck and barely scraping by, so giving 3-4 massages a week is helping me SO much and I'm back where I need to be and am not behind on my bills. Plus, I feel like a much more effective teacher since I'm actively practicing.
- I'm forever grateful for my job, my co-workers, my boss, my employees, and my students. How many people can genuinely say that they LOVE going to work every day? DSMT has been a god-send. I can't believe I've almost been there 2 years already. How did that happen? Time flies when you love what you do (and when you live clinic to clinic...)
- I'm grateful for this fantastic Summer of Stars. Best fuckin' concert year I've had since 1997. Green Day, STP, Tool, Gaga, Shinedown, Toad, etc. Gonna buy Gorillaz tickets tomorrow too. God damn, I love live music.
- I'm grateful whatever that smell in my kitchen was has apparently died and gone away. WTF?
- I'm grateful that my oncology appointment from last week yielded no red flags. WORD.
- I'm grateful that it's getting ever closer to hockey season, with training camp and the burgundy/white game around the corner. Gonna be a good year, Avs fans!
- I'm grateful that the beginning of my tattoo is fucking gorgeous and that my artist is, like, silly talented. I cannot wait to see the finished result. Hopefully he'll start a bit of color next time...
- I'm grateful for YOU, friends new and old. I've reconnected with some hella old high school friends lately (Oh Facebook, you so cray-see) and made some new ones thanks to yet another graduation at work. It's nice to just magically inherit new friends every 10 weeks. Takes the stress out of having to meet new people and I don't even have to join a book club. :)
<3 <3 <3
- I'm grateful for my kick-ass friends who talked me out of being sad about my breakup with Cory in all of 15 minutes flat. After telling them the story of our fight and the mean things he said, they pointed out that none of this breakup really had to do with me at all, that Cory showed his true colors for the first time, and his true colors span the entire spectrum of the Douche Rainbow. I'd go so far as to say it's a full Double Douche Rainbow (double rainbow!!!). Tre, Greylin, mom, and Emily, thanks for letting me get it out and then for showing me the douchey light. That guy sucked, no matter how hot he was. NEXT!!!
- I'm grateful for the peace I've been feeling within myself these days. I posted it in a status update last week but it bears repeating: never in my 30 years on this planet have I been so comfortable in my own skin and been so 100% happy with all that I am and all that I have and everything that makes me Me. I love me, all 185 pounds of me, mastectomy scars and all. And I love that I love me. It's nice. ^.^
- I am grateful that I have a 2-month old nephew who is healthy and thriving, and that my sister is also still healthy and thriving. That baby saved her life. Not to mention made her infinitely more tolerable to be around (funny how NOT being on meth will do that to a person...). It's so nice to have an actual relationship with my 24-year-old sister for the first time in our lives.
- I'm grateful that my cousin Melitta is still holding onto every available breath and fighting to stay alive long enough to have a second lung transplant. Come on, Universe, help us out a little bit here. All we're asking is for ONE measley perfect little lung, type AB+. Is that so much to ask? Didn't think so. GET ON IT!
- I'm grateful that my grandma has apparently had an epiphany about where she's at in life and has decided to just accept the fact that she's 87 years old and stop punishing everyone around her for that fact. By all accounts, she's been doing really well over the last week or so, instead of driving herself and everyone else mad. I really hope it sticks and she can go back to enjoying her remaining years instead of hopelessly dreading the end.
- I'm grateful that my massage practice is thriving! Cancer really put it on hold over the last year, which sucked cause I bought this house with the intention that massage would help me pay my HOA and other bills. I'd been living paycheck to paycheck and barely scraping by, so giving 3-4 massages a week is helping me SO much and I'm back where I need to be and am not behind on my bills. Plus, I feel like a much more effective teacher since I'm actively practicing.
- I'm forever grateful for my job, my co-workers, my boss, my employees, and my students. How many people can genuinely say that they LOVE going to work every day? DSMT has been a god-send. I can't believe I've almost been there 2 years already. How did that happen? Time flies when you love what you do (and when you live clinic to clinic...)
- I'm grateful for this fantastic Summer of Stars. Best fuckin' concert year I've had since 1997. Green Day, STP, Tool, Gaga, Shinedown, Toad, etc. Gonna buy Gorillaz tickets tomorrow too. God damn, I love live music.
- I'm grateful whatever that smell in my kitchen was has apparently died and gone away. WTF?
- I'm grateful that my oncology appointment from last week yielded no red flags. WORD.
- I'm grateful that it's getting ever closer to hockey season, with training camp and the burgundy/white game around the corner. Gonna be a good year, Avs fans!
- I'm grateful that the beginning of my tattoo is fucking gorgeous and that my artist is, like, silly talented. I cannot wait to see the finished result. Hopefully he'll start a bit of color next time...
- I'm grateful for YOU, friends new and old. I've reconnected with some hella old high school friends lately (Oh Facebook, you so cray-see) and made some new ones thanks to yet another graduation at work. It's nice to just magically inherit new friends every 10 weeks. Takes the stress out of having to meet new people and I don't even have to join a book club. :)
<3 <3 <3
Wednesday, August 4, 2010
New tattoo
I had my first 4-hour sitting with my tattoo artist, Ben Gun, yesterday for my "I kicked cancer's ass" tattoo and here's the result. It's not even kind of finished, and there will be more outlining done at my next sitting (Oct 6) when he'll be lining a firey phoenix on the left side of my back with cherry blossoms going up onto my left shoulder. Yeah. It's my whole back. But it's beautifully done and I LOVE it. There's a reason he's one of the top artists in Colorado and has a 3-month waiting list!
In case you're wondering, the symbolism is: waves = emotion, koi fish = courage, lotus flower = strength and beauty, fire = passion, phoenix = rebirth, cherry blossoms = feminine power and sexuality (in Chinese culture) or the delicate transience of life (in Japanese culture). So, yunno, this is a pretty powerful piece for me. Can't wait til it's done, though it'll probably take a year or so... Anyway, just thought I'd share.
He free-handed the drawing on my back with Sharpies first...
And here's the finished outline. I'll be getting the phoenix outlined Oct 6 and then color and shading starts Dec 1. I can't wait!
In case you're wondering, the symbolism is: waves = emotion, koi fish = courage, lotus flower = strength and beauty, fire = passion, phoenix = rebirth, cherry blossoms = feminine power and sexuality (in Chinese culture) or the delicate transience of life (in Japanese culture). So, yunno, this is a pretty powerful piece for me. Can't wait til it's done, though it'll probably take a year or so... Anyway, just thought I'd share.
He free-handed the drawing on my back with Sharpies first...
And here's the finished outline. I'll be getting the phoenix outlined Oct 6 and then color and shading starts Dec 1. I can't wait!
Thursday, July 29, 2010
My Most-Prized Possession
If my house were burning down, the first thing I would grab, without question, is my Set List Collection. (Don't worry, I'd grab my cat next...)
What's a set list? It's the list of songs a band plays at each show. Some bands use the same set list every night of a tour, some bands change it in every city. But every band has a set list and each individual band member has a copy of it, so that they know what song is coming up next, so there are usually several available at the end of the show depending on how many band members there are. If I'm in the front row at a small venue, I can often just reach up and grab it myself (though this once backfired at a Toad the Wet Sprocket show, when the roadie tracked me down in the lobby and took it back from me because I didn't ask for it). Most of the time, I head to the front after the show and ask a roadie politely, without acting like a crazed fangirl. Often I tell them that I collect them. Once, I cried (@ Paul McCartney. It worked.) Mostly, I think it's Law Of Attraction, because I spend the last hour of a show strategizing how the fuck I'm going to make it happen.
I've been collecting set lists since 1994, it's totally my "thing". Just ask anyone in my family. :) I save all my concert tickets too, and I keep all of these things (set lists and tickets) in a binder which is my pride and joy and most prized possession.
Tonight, after getting the Lady Gaga set list, I was browsing through my binder and thought I'd share the contents with anyone who's interested (which I would guess would mostly just be my mother and maybe a cousin or two...). Yeah, I've seen a bunch of bands a bunch of times. What can I say? Some bands put on a good enough show that I will pay to see them every god damned time they're in town...
My Concert Career (by year):
U2, 10/21/92
Paul McCartney, 5/26/93
Squeeze, 11/12/93 (autographs)
Shawn Colvin, 12/19/93
INXS, 4/16/94
Sheryl Crow, 6/22/94 (Set List)
Billy Joel, 10/11/94
Del Amitri, 5/6/95 (Set List, autographs, pics with band)
Live, 8/23/95
Sheryl Crow, 9/3/95
Del Amitri, 9/13/95 (Set List & autographs)
Gin Blossoms, 2/21/96 (Set List)
Del Amitri, 4/15/96 (Set List, autographs)
Del Amitri, 4/16/96 (Set List, autographs, bar fight)
Bush/Goo Goo Dolls/No Doubt, 5/4/96 (autographs)
Alanis Morissette, 6/5/96
Dada, 6/10/96 (Set List, pick)
The Refreshments, 6/12/96 (autographs)
The Cure, 7/27/96
Smashing Pumpkins, 8/30/96
The Refreshments/Semisonic, 9/19/96 (autographs)
Live, 3/5/97 (Set List)
Barenaked Ladies, 4/6/97
That Dog, 4/14/97 (Set List)
Counting Crows, 4/14/97 (Set List)
Live, 8/29/97 (Set List, drumstick)
Del Amitri, 8/30/97 (Set List, autographs, pick)
Tori Amos, 9/1/98
Counting Crows, 9/18/97 (Set List, autograph, backstage pass!)
Toad the Wet Sprocket, 10/22/97 (Set List)
Barenaked Ladies, 10/19/98
Barenaked Ladies, 8/25/99 (Set List)
Squeeze, 10/7/99 (Set List, pick, mom sang on-stage with them)
Tori Amos, 10/11/99
Live, 10/13/99
Barenaked Ladies, 12/30/99
Nine Inch Nails/A Perfect Circle, 6/18/00
Barenaked Ladies/Guster, 10/17/00
Stone Temple Pilots/Godsmack, 11/2/00
Guster, 4/6/01 (Set List, pick)
Billy Joel & Elton John, 4/9/01
Ringo Starr, 8/25/01
Britney Spears, 11/12/01
Glenn Tilbrook, 4/24/02
Paul McCartney, 5/7/02 (Set List)
Glen Phillips, 6/16/02 (autograph)
John Mayer/Guster, 8/6/02
No Doubt/Garbage, 11/6/02
Toad the Wet Sprocket, 2/11/03
Guster, 4/11/03
Guster, 11/21/03 (Set List)
Sarah McLachlan, 7/20/04
Maroon 5, 4/26/05 (Set List)
U2, 4/20/05
Jason Mraz, 10/24/05
Guster, 4/1/06 (Set List)
Guster, 4/2/06 (autographs, pictures with band)
Michael Shapiro, 5/19/06 (Set List, autographs)
Live, 5/19/06 (Set List, autographs, meet & greet, pictures)
Bleu, 8/14/06 (meet and greet, autographs, pictures)
Tool, 8/30/06
Guster, 9/23/06 (Set List)
Tool, 5/9/07
Crowded House/Fountains of Wayne, 8/22/07
Live/Collective Soul/Tonic, 10/7/07 (Set List, pictures, autographs)
Tool, 11/21/07
Fall Out Boy, 11/23/07
Ben Kweller, 9/30/08
Ed Kowalczyk/Matt Nathanson/Collective Soul/Carolina Liar, 4/9/09 (autographs, pictures, meet & greet)
Flight of the Conchords, 5/16/09
Jason Mraz, 9/19/09
Shinedown/Sick Puppies, 5/13/10
Justin Currie, 6/12/10 (Set List, pics, meet & greet)
Tool, 6/29/10 (Set List)
Squeeze, 7/25/10 (Set List)
Lady Gaga, 7/28/10 (Set List)
Stone Temple Pilots, 8/10/10 (TBD)
Toad the Wet Sprocket, 8/21/10 (TBD)
Green Day, 8/28/10 (TBD)
What's a set list? It's the list of songs a band plays at each show. Some bands use the same set list every night of a tour, some bands change it in every city. But every band has a set list and each individual band member has a copy of it, so that they know what song is coming up next, so there are usually several available at the end of the show depending on how many band members there are. If I'm in the front row at a small venue, I can often just reach up and grab it myself (though this once backfired at a Toad the Wet Sprocket show, when the roadie tracked me down in the lobby and took it back from me because I didn't ask for it). Most of the time, I head to the front after the show and ask a roadie politely, without acting like a crazed fangirl. Often I tell them that I collect them. Once, I cried (@ Paul McCartney. It worked.) Mostly, I think it's Law Of Attraction, because I spend the last hour of a show strategizing how the fuck I'm going to make it happen.
I've been collecting set lists since 1994, it's totally my "thing". Just ask anyone in my family. :) I save all my concert tickets too, and I keep all of these things (set lists and tickets) in a binder which is my pride and joy and most prized possession.
Tonight, after getting the Lady Gaga set list, I was browsing through my binder and thought I'd share the contents with anyone who's interested (which I would guess would mostly just be my mother and maybe a cousin or two...). Yeah, I've seen a bunch of bands a bunch of times. What can I say? Some bands put on a good enough show that I will pay to see them every god damned time they're in town...
My Concert Career (by year):
U2, 10/21/92
Paul McCartney, 5/26/93
Squeeze, 11/12/93 (autographs)
Shawn Colvin, 12/19/93
INXS, 4/16/94
Sheryl Crow, 6/22/94 (Set List)
Billy Joel, 10/11/94
Del Amitri, 5/6/95 (Set List, autographs, pics with band)
Live, 8/23/95
Sheryl Crow, 9/3/95
Del Amitri, 9/13/95 (Set List & autographs)
Gin Blossoms, 2/21/96 (Set List)
Del Amitri, 4/15/96 (Set List, autographs)
Del Amitri, 4/16/96 (Set List, autographs, bar fight)
Bush/Goo Goo Dolls/No Doubt, 5/4/96 (autographs)
Alanis Morissette, 6/5/96
Dada, 6/10/96 (Set List, pick)
The Refreshments, 6/12/96 (autographs)
The Cure, 7/27/96
Smashing Pumpkins, 8/30/96
The Refreshments/Semisonic, 9/19/96 (autographs)
Live, 3/5/97 (Set List)
Barenaked Ladies, 4/6/97
That Dog, 4/14/97 (Set List)
Counting Crows, 4/14/97 (Set List)
Live, 8/29/97 (Set List, drumstick)
Del Amitri, 8/30/97 (Set List, autographs, pick)
Tori Amos, 9/1/98
Counting Crows, 9/18/97 (Set List, autograph, backstage pass!)
Toad the Wet Sprocket, 10/22/97 (Set List)
Barenaked Ladies, 10/19/98
Barenaked Ladies, 8/25/99 (Set List)
Squeeze, 10/7/99 (Set List, pick, mom sang on-stage with them)
Tori Amos, 10/11/99
Live, 10/13/99
Barenaked Ladies, 12/30/99
Nine Inch Nails/A Perfect Circle, 6/18/00
Barenaked Ladies/Guster, 10/17/00
Stone Temple Pilots/Godsmack, 11/2/00
Guster, 4/6/01 (Set List, pick)
Billy Joel & Elton John, 4/9/01
Ringo Starr, 8/25/01
Britney Spears, 11/12/01
Glenn Tilbrook, 4/24/02
Paul McCartney, 5/7/02 (Set List)
Glen Phillips, 6/16/02 (autograph)
John Mayer/Guster, 8/6/02
No Doubt/Garbage, 11/6/02
Toad the Wet Sprocket, 2/11/03
Guster, 4/11/03
Guster, 11/21/03 (Set List)
Sarah McLachlan, 7/20/04
Maroon 5, 4/26/05 (Set List)
U2, 4/20/05
Jason Mraz, 10/24/05
Guster, 4/1/06 (Set List)
Guster, 4/2/06 (autographs, pictures with band)
Michael Shapiro, 5/19/06 (Set List, autographs)
Live, 5/19/06 (Set List, autographs, meet & greet, pictures)
Bleu, 8/14/06 (meet and greet, autographs, pictures)
Tool, 8/30/06
Guster, 9/23/06 (Set List)
Tool, 5/9/07
Crowded House/Fountains of Wayne, 8/22/07
Live/Collective Soul/Tonic, 10/7/07 (Set List, pictures, autographs)
Tool, 11/21/07
Fall Out Boy, 11/23/07
Ben Kweller, 9/30/08
Ed Kowalczyk/Matt Nathanson/Collective Soul/Carolina Liar, 4/9/09 (autographs, pictures, meet & greet)
Flight of the Conchords, 5/16/09
Jason Mraz, 9/19/09
Shinedown/Sick Puppies, 5/13/10
Justin Currie, 6/12/10 (Set List, pics, meet & greet)
Tool, 6/29/10 (Set List)
Squeeze, 7/25/10 (Set List)
Lady Gaga, 7/28/10 (Set List)
Stone Temple Pilots, 8/10/10 (TBD)
Toad the Wet Sprocket, 8/21/10 (TBD)
Green Day, 8/28/10 (TBD)
Monday, July 19, 2010
Sacred Union of the Divine
This is an old post from Jun 2006, from my old MySpace blog, that I came across just now. Thought I'd repost cause I liked it...
Deep carnal hunger, like a Fire rising from within.
A light caress. An eager squeeze. A longing touch. A passionate kiss.
The eventual melding of two into one.
She wants him
needs him
must have him
Circling the God, as if stalking her prey
or perhaps just showing her wares
the Goddess makes her intent known
I will have you. You will have me.
The Yin and the Yang will be as one this night, a union
unending, unbreakable, essential.
He is consumed by her, his desire no longer controlled.
Taste
must taste all that is the Goddess.
Neck, breast, belly, all leading to the sacred chalice.
Waves upon waves
she feels her passion like Water until the dam breaks
Jubilation, ecstasy, euphoria, joy.
Yet the union is still to come...
Urgency in his touch. Soon. Very soon.
And then
Yin and Yang are reunited as the Goddess opens the door for him.
Fusion of masculine and feminine in a frenzy of craving
until, at long last, their respective thirsts have been quenched by the other.
They part but do not truly separate.
Forever are they bound to each other as night is bound to day.
Exhausted and satisfied, drifting off
together alone
into the world between wake and sleep...
Deep carnal hunger, like a Fire rising from within.
A light caress. An eager squeeze. A longing touch. A passionate kiss.
The eventual melding of two into one.
She wants him
needs him
must have him
Circling the God, as if stalking her prey
or perhaps just showing her wares
the Goddess makes her intent known
I will have you. You will have me.
The Yin and the Yang will be as one this night, a union
unending, unbreakable, essential.
He is consumed by her, his desire no longer controlled.
Taste
must taste all that is the Goddess.
Neck, breast, belly, all leading to the sacred chalice.
Waves upon waves
she feels her passion like Water until the dam breaks
Jubilation, ecstasy, euphoria, joy.
Yet the union is still to come...
Urgency in his touch. Soon. Very soon.
And then
Yin and Yang are reunited as the Goddess opens the door for him.
Fusion of masculine and feminine in a frenzy of craving
until, at long last, their respective thirsts have been quenched by the other.
They part but do not truly separate.
Forever are they bound to each other as night is bound to day.
Exhausted and satisfied, drifting off
together alone
into the world between wake and sleep...
Sunday, July 18, 2010
Hold It In, Let It Out
I simultaneously love and hate
The Beginning.
I get swept up and I know my tendencies
I am a true Pisces, to a tee, whether or not
you believe in that sort of thing,
and the raging river of my emotions
pulls me in, sucks me under, and takes me on
the ride of my life.
Every time.
Seriously.
Being who I am
Knowing how I am
Yet knowing how others are
I find myself constantly having to hold it in
when I want nothing more than to
Let
It
All
Out.
Balls to the wall
Full steam ahead
Caution to the wind
Ready to be blind-sided at any minute but consciously deciding
not to give a damn until it happens.
Not to toot my own horn
but I have such a big heart
and so much love to give
that it spooks people when first confronted
with ME.
The Real Me.
The Me Me.
It can come off as needy.
But it's not needy. It's givey. There's a difference.
The dichotomy of walking this fine line
between holding some Me back,
letting it out a little at a time rather than unleashing a
tidal wave of Amber,
and knowing the true Me in my mind
can get oh so confusing
And I often find that I can't remember
what cards I've laid out and which ones are still hidden.
I know
I KNOW.
JUST BE YOURSELF.
IF THEY DON'T LIKE IT, SCREW 'EM.
Easier said than done.
And you know it.
It's okay, though.
One of these days, I'll figure it out.
The perfect balance of Me and Me.
Or Me and Them.
Or Us, united, as one?
I suppose that's the whole point, isn't it?
The Beginning.
I get swept up and I know my tendencies
I am a true Pisces, to a tee, whether or not
you believe in that sort of thing,
and the raging river of my emotions
pulls me in, sucks me under, and takes me on
the ride of my life.
Every time.
Seriously.
Being who I am
Knowing how I am
Yet knowing how others are
I find myself constantly having to hold it in
when I want nothing more than to
Let
It
All
Out.
Balls to the wall
Full steam ahead
Caution to the wind
Ready to be blind-sided at any minute but consciously deciding
not to give a damn until it happens.
Not to toot my own horn
but I have such a big heart
and so much love to give
that it spooks people when first confronted
with ME.
The Real Me.
The Me Me.
It can come off as needy.
But it's not needy. It's givey. There's a difference.
The dichotomy of walking this fine line
between holding some Me back,
letting it out a little at a time rather than unleashing a
tidal wave of Amber,
and knowing the true Me in my mind
can get oh so confusing
And I often find that I can't remember
what cards I've laid out and which ones are still hidden.
I know
I KNOW.
JUST BE YOURSELF.
IF THEY DON'T LIKE IT, SCREW 'EM.
Easier said than done.
And you know it.
It's okay, though.
One of these days, I'll figure it out.
The perfect balance of Me and Me.
Or Me and Them.
Or Us, united, as one?
I suppose that's the whole point, isn't it?
Tuesday, July 6, 2010
Much-Deserved Vaycay
So much to do tomorrow but I'm too excited to sleep.
I'm heading out for a big camping trip on Wednesday, going to a festival with a bunch of friends. It's a Pagan festival, run by friends of mine, and it is held in honor of Dionysius, God of Wine and Revelry. I am STOKED. There will be wine and merrymaking. There will be games of skill. There will be rituals and workshops. There will be improv and small stage shows. There will be good friends and good food and quality time spent with our Blessed Mother, this gorgeous planet of ours.
Seeing as how I spent all of my vacation time last year recovering from a bilateral mastectomy, I am superty duperty excited to get away from work and day-to-day life for 5 days and to get out into the mountains to unwind.
I have lots of running around to do on Tuesday to get everything ready. I can't sleep because I'm busy making to-do lists in my head. And even when I stop planning for 2 seconds, my mind switches over to thinking about the deliciously sexy, wicked smart, crazy hot Irish guy I recently started dating. So really, I might as well not even try to sleep cause it just ain't happening. My brain is far too busy to be concerned with silly things like "rest" at the moment. My body will just have to wait until I've got my tent pitched and my camp set up before I can collapse into my camp hammock for a much-needed snoooooooze.
Goddess bless summer vacation; please let the weather be beautiful. Lookin' for fluffy white clouds and sunshine. KThxBai.
I'm heading out for a big camping trip on Wednesday, going to a festival with a bunch of friends. It's a Pagan festival, run by friends of mine, and it is held in honor of Dionysius, God of Wine and Revelry. I am STOKED. There will be wine and merrymaking. There will be games of skill. There will be rituals and workshops. There will be improv and small stage shows. There will be good friends and good food and quality time spent with our Blessed Mother, this gorgeous planet of ours.
Seeing as how I spent all of my vacation time last year recovering from a bilateral mastectomy, I am superty duperty excited to get away from work and day-to-day life for 5 days and to get out into the mountains to unwind.
I have lots of running around to do on Tuesday to get everything ready. I can't sleep because I'm busy making to-do lists in my head. And even when I stop planning for 2 seconds, my mind switches over to thinking about the deliciously sexy, wicked smart, crazy hot Irish guy I recently started dating. So really, I might as well not even try to sleep cause it just ain't happening. My brain is far too busy to be concerned with silly things like "rest" at the moment. My body will just have to wait until I've got my tent pitched and my camp set up before I can collapse into my camp hammock for a much-needed snoooooooze.
Goddess bless summer vacation; please let the weather be beautiful. Lookin' for fluffy white clouds and sunshine. KThxBai.
Sunday, June 27, 2010
Through the Tunnel, Looking Back
Had a helluva weekend here at the end of my cancer journey.
A year ago right now, I wasn't even diagnosed yet. I had just gotten my irregular mammogram and was awaiting biopsy, only to be diagnosed on 7/8/09 with Grade 3 Invasive Ductal Carcinoma.
A year later and I am just over-whelmed by the love and support I've received from more people than I ever would've imagined.
I spent today up in Breckenridge with my friend Bo, to watch my friends Heather and Jimmy cross the finish line at the Avon Breast Cancer Walk. These two walked 39.3 miles, a marathon and a half, over two days, and they did it in my honor. Now that I'm almost 6 months out of chemo and my hair officially looks like an intentional hairstyle, I didn't think I'd get very emotional up there but of course I was wrong. As I hugged Jimmy, one of my bestest bestest friends, the weight of the past year hit me all over again and I lost it, sobbing into his shoulder to let it go. As much as it's brought up in conversation in my every day life, I tend to forget that we're actually talking about ME here. It's so surreal, like we're talking about a close friend of mine. Then things like the Avon Walk happen and I remember HOLY SHIT, I FUCKING SURVIVED CANCER. CANCER, for fuck's sake. While I was going through it, waiting to see light at the end of the tunnel, I basically just put my head down and plowed through, doing what I had to do to fight for my life and stay alive. Chemo treatment 1, 2, 3, 4... boom boom boom, knock 'em out like it ain't no thang. And why was I able to survive like this? Because of charities like the Avon Walk that contribute to the research and science that kept me alive. So surreal.
The downside of being on this side of the tunnel is that this is where all the medical bills live. Between normal living expenses and medical bills, I've been having a very hard time surviving paycheck to paycheck, and I have a pile of unpaid bills sitting on my kitchen table, staring me down. Last night, however, my friend Manea threw a charity theme party in my honor to help raise money to pay off my medical bills. With one party, they did it. Raised enough to get me out from under this mountain (I think... need to actually add it all up...) and put me back on my feet. Colorado Pagan Community, I THANK YOU. I can't get over the love and support you've provided me over the past year, I am just so grateful.
You know, my dad (who is born-again) often tells me that I need to come to his church sometime so I can accept Jesus and be a part of his church community. He tells me that they're good people and they'll support me through these tough times. And I always tell him that I appreciate the offer but no thanks. I already have a spiritual community and they offer me more support than he can even fathom. He, of course, doesn't see Pagans as a spiritual community but that's his loss. I can't imagine a more fabulous and generous group of human beings. You people rock my motherfuckin' socks.
So as I look back through the tunnel, remembering how scared I was a year ago right now, I can honestly say that cancer hasn't been THAT bad and it's because of YOU. All of you fabulous creatures that have supported me and helped me though this year, you got me through it and I love you all for it. I cannot thank you enough!
Love and light,
Amber/Lotus
A year ago right now, I wasn't even diagnosed yet. I had just gotten my irregular mammogram and was awaiting biopsy, only to be diagnosed on 7/8/09 with Grade 3 Invasive Ductal Carcinoma.
A year later and I am just over-whelmed by the love and support I've received from more people than I ever would've imagined.
I spent today up in Breckenridge with my friend Bo, to watch my friends Heather and Jimmy cross the finish line at the Avon Breast Cancer Walk. These two walked 39.3 miles, a marathon and a half, over two days, and they did it in my honor. Now that I'm almost 6 months out of chemo and my hair officially looks like an intentional hairstyle, I didn't think I'd get very emotional up there but of course I was wrong. As I hugged Jimmy, one of my bestest bestest friends, the weight of the past year hit me all over again and I lost it, sobbing into his shoulder to let it go. As much as it's brought up in conversation in my every day life, I tend to forget that we're actually talking about ME here. It's so surreal, like we're talking about a close friend of mine. Then things like the Avon Walk happen and I remember HOLY SHIT, I FUCKING SURVIVED CANCER. CANCER, for fuck's sake. While I was going through it, waiting to see light at the end of the tunnel, I basically just put my head down and plowed through, doing what I had to do to fight for my life and stay alive. Chemo treatment 1, 2, 3, 4... boom boom boom, knock 'em out like it ain't no thang. And why was I able to survive like this? Because of charities like the Avon Walk that contribute to the research and science that kept me alive. So surreal.
The downside of being on this side of the tunnel is that this is where all the medical bills live. Between normal living expenses and medical bills, I've been having a very hard time surviving paycheck to paycheck, and I have a pile of unpaid bills sitting on my kitchen table, staring me down. Last night, however, my friend Manea threw a charity theme party in my honor to help raise money to pay off my medical bills. With one party, they did it. Raised enough to get me out from under this mountain (I think... need to actually add it all up...) and put me back on my feet. Colorado Pagan Community, I THANK YOU. I can't get over the love and support you've provided me over the past year, I am just so grateful.
You know, my dad (who is born-again) often tells me that I need to come to his church sometime so I can accept Jesus and be a part of his church community. He tells me that they're good people and they'll support me through these tough times. And I always tell him that I appreciate the offer but no thanks. I already have a spiritual community and they offer me more support than he can even fathom. He, of course, doesn't see Pagans as a spiritual community but that's his loss. I can't imagine a more fabulous and generous group of human beings. You people rock my motherfuckin' socks.
So as I look back through the tunnel, remembering how scared I was a year ago right now, I can honestly say that cancer hasn't been THAT bad and it's because of YOU. All of you fabulous creatures that have supported me and helped me though this year, you got me through it and I love you all for it. I cannot thank you enough!
Love and light,
Amber/Lotus
Tuesday, June 1, 2010
Gratitude List, 5/31/2010
Also posted to Facebook but forgot to post it here, this month's gratitude list.
Here we go, y'all. Time to get my gratitude on and put out some good juju to the Universe. Giddy up.
- Since it's Memorial Day, I'll start by saying I'm grateful for the selfless sacrifice of our troops. My grandpa and most of my uncles served in the Army or Navy, so I salute them especially. And I'm also quite grateful that we've made the first steps towards repealing Don't Ask, Don't Tell. That law makes me feel stabby and I'm stoked that we've made progress there.
- I'm grateful that my cousin Melitta is still fighting for life and refusing to give up while awaiting a SECOND lung transplant. She's still the most positive, uplifting person I've ever met, the most powerful 80 pound woman on the planet. I'd be REALLY fuckin' grateful if a transplantable lung magically appeared today, though. Just sayin'.
- I'm grateful to be CANCER-FREE! I'm grateful for my health, and that my PET scan came back negative last week and that I can keep on keepin' on as a normal, healthy, fake tit-having 30-year-old woman.
- I'm grateful that this is my last week as the Nippleless Chick, since I'm getting my new tweakers installed on Thursday. Sure, I'll have an awkward period of time where I have the bulls-eye part of the nipple (which I get Thursday) but don't have the areola to go with it (they'll be tattooed next month) but oh well. Won't be any weirder than not having nips at all so I'm freakin' stoked that I'll be one step closer to feeling normal again.
- I'm grateful that my sister's pregnancy has been totally healthy and normal and that she hasn't used meth since getting knocked up. My soon-to-be nephew seems to have saved my sister's life. I hope she stays clean once he arrives next month.
- I'm grateful that Nick resigned and I have the opportunity to apply for his position, thus ensuring a raise and getting my weekends back. I took the clinic job 17 months ago with the intention of moving into the classroom when it became available, so here I am. Even if I don't get this particular position, I'm grateful for the interview opportunity so I'll be even more prepared for the next position that comes available.
- I am grateful for my students who become actual bonafide friends after graduation. Like, actual friends that I actually hang out with outside of clinic, not just Facebook friends. Amandas Weeks and Dalton, Lydia B-J, Joshua and his liberating experience, Jenna Wetherby, Bo Brinson, Karla (*snicker*), Tony PowPow, I'm lookin' at you guys. You rock and I'm so glad DSMT brought us together!
- Don't get me wrong, I'm also grateful for EVERY graduate on my friends list. Yunno, since about 40% of my FB friends are former students of mine. :) I love seeing you guys in the clinic and I'm so proud of you all.
- I'm grateful that Andrew and Lily moved back from Seattle! And I'm grateful that we all stayed friends after Aaron and I broke up. Though if Aaron and I are still friends, no reason the rest of us wouldn't be but still! I'm just glad to have you guys around a lot these days. And Lily, the Gaga concert is going to be so fucking fun! I can't wait!
- I am grateful for OkCupid. Yes, I know. But really. I've met some really good friends on there (I love you, Katy! And Jason! And... Cody? No.) and still have hope that I might actually meet a fantastically fucking wonderful guy from that site. Of course, some people would call me overly-optimistic. Just ask anyone who's ever been to Vegas with me. "SOMEONE'S gotta win the jackpot, so it might as well be me!" :) But still... I have hope. He's out there. I just KNOW it...
- I'm grateful for all the usual wonderful things in my life: my family, my friends, my beautiful townhouse, my evil kitteh, my Vibe (that's my car, you pervs), my co-workers, my boss, my comfy bed, and all those other creature comfort type things.
- I'm grateful that Ben Gunn is going to be giving me a huge, beautiful tattoo and is letting me pay for at least part of it with massage. He is fucking awesome, his shop keeps getting voted Best of Denver, and I can't wait to get this piece. My back will never be the same.
- I'm grateful that I've finally learned how to keep plants alive! I have 10 plants in my house now and only one of them seems to be trying to kill itself (does anyone know about rubber plants? I can't quite get the watering schedule down with it. Either that or it's still in shock from being transplanted to a new pot...)
- I'm grateful for YOU! Yes! You! Thanks for existing! And thanks for reading this! I love you long time!
Me and two of my favorite grads-turned-friends.
Here we go, y'all. Time to get my gratitude on and put out some good juju to the Universe. Giddy up.
- Since it's Memorial Day, I'll start by saying I'm grateful for the selfless sacrifice of our troops. My grandpa and most of my uncles served in the Army or Navy, so I salute them especially. And I'm also quite grateful that we've made the first steps towards repealing Don't Ask, Don't Tell. That law makes me feel stabby and I'm stoked that we've made progress there.
- I'm grateful that my cousin Melitta is still fighting for life and refusing to give up while awaiting a SECOND lung transplant. She's still the most positive, uplifting person I've ever met, the most powerful 80 pound woman on the planet. I'd be REALLY fuckin' grateful if a transplantable lung magically appeared today, though. Just sayin'.
- I'm grateful to be CANCER-FREE! I'm grateful for my health, and that my PET scan came back negative last week and that I can keep on keepin' on as a normal, healthy, fake tit-having 30-year-old woman.
- I'm grateful that this is my last week as the Nippleless Chick, since I'm getting my new tweakers installed on Thursday. Sure, I'll have an awkward period of time where I have the bulls-eye part of the nipple (which I get Thursday) but don't have the areola to go with it (they'll be tattooed next month) but oh well. Won't be any weirder than not having nips at all so I'm freakin' stoked that I'll be one step closer to feeling normal again.
- I'm grateful that my sister's pregnancy has been totally healthy and normal and that she hasn't used meth since getting knocked up. My soon-to-be nephew seems to have saved my sister's life. I hope she stays clean once he arrives next month.
- I'm grateful that Nick resigned and I have the opportunity to apply for his position, thus ensuring a raise and getting my weekends back. I took the clinic job 17 months ago with the intention of moving into the classroom when it became available, so here I am. Even if I don't get this particular position, I'm grateful for the interview opportunity so I'll be even more prepared for the next position that comes available.
- I am grateful for my students who become actual bonafide friends after graduation. Like, actual friends that I actually hang out with outside of clinic, not just Facebook friends. Amandas Weeks and Dalton, Lydia B-J, Joshua and his liberating experience, Jenna Wetherby, Bo Brinson, Karla (*snicker*), Tony PowPow, I'm lookin' at you guys. You rock and I'm so glad DSMT brought us together!
- Don't get me wrong, I'm also grateful for EVERY graduate on my friends list. Yunno, since about 40% of my FB friends are former students of mine. :) I love seeing you guys in the clinic and I'm so proud of you all.
- I'm grateful that Andrew and Lily moved back from Seattle! And I'm grateful that we all stayed friends after Aaron and I broke up. Though if Aaron and I are still friends, no reason the rest of us wouldn't be but still! I'm just glad to have you guys around a lot these days. And Lily, the Gaga concert is going to be so fucking fun! I can't wait!
- I am grateful for OkCupid. Yes, I know. But really. I've met some really good friends on there (I love you, Katy! And Jason! And... Cody? No.) and still have hope that I might actually meet a fantastically fucking wonderful guy from that site. Of course, some people would call me overly-optimistic. Just ask anyone who's ever been to Vegas with me. "SOMEONE'S gotta win the jackpot, so it might as well be me!" :) But still... I have hope. He's out there. I just KNOW it...
- I'm grateful for all the usual wonderful things in my life: my family, my friends, my beautiful townhouse, my evil kitteh, my Vibe (that's my car, you pervs), my co-workers, my boss, my comfy bed, and all those other creature comfort type things.
- I'm grateful that Ben Gunn is going to be giving me a huge, beautiful tattoo and is letting me pay for at least part of it with massage. He is fucking awesome, his shop keeps getting voted Best of Denver, and I can't wait to get this piece. My back will never be the same.
- I'm grateful that I've finally learned how to keep plants alive! I have 10 plants in my house now and only one of them seems to be trying to kill itself (does anyone know about rubber plants? I can't quite get the watering schedule down with it. Either that or it's still in shock from being transplanted to a new pot...)
- I'm grateful for YOU! Yes! You! Thanks for existing! And thanks for reading this! I love you long time!
Me and two of my favorite grads-turned-friends.
Commitment to Myself
I posted this on Facebook a few days ago but thought I'd post it here as well, just to reinforce the sentiment:
As part of a corporate training at work a few months back, our corporate bosses asked all of us instructors to write out our commitments to the company, to the school, to the students and to ourselves, and then had us share our commitment statement with the whole group. The theory behind this being that we're more likely to keep to a commitment when we take the time to write it out and state it aloud to others.
Having just returned from the gym, exhausted and sweaty and 520 calories lighter, I am choosing to state my commitment to myself aloud to all of you who choose to read this.
I am committed to my health and wellness.
I am committed to work out at least three times a week, even if I only walk on a treadmill. Any exercise is better than no exercise. (Sound familiar mom and Chelsea?) :)
After a few weeks of getting back into cardiovascular shape, I am committed to attending Step Class at least twice per month at 24-Hour Fitness on 120th & Sheridan or 44th & Tennyson.
I am committed to eating out no more than once a week. If it so happens that I'm out a second time in any given week, I am committed to getting the HEALTHY option. Like, even something with plants in it.
I am committed to using the Lose It! app on my iPod Touch, which is a brilliant and wonderful app that tracks weight, exercise, calorie intake, and goals. It's a free app. If you have an iPhone or iPod Touch, you should definitely download it!
I am committed to not set unrealistic goals for myself. I will never be a size 6 and I am okay with that. I want to comfortably fit into a size 12. They say the healthiest goal is 10% of one's current weight, so I'm shooting for 18.5 pounds by the end of the summer.
I am committed to keep to the pact I made with one of my students today. She said she gave up ice cream, beer, soda, and Starbucks until she graduates on August 5. I agreed to give up the same things for the same period of time. Though we both agreed that my vacation time July 7-11 doesn't count. :)
I am committed to buying at least two pairs of FLATS to wear instead of heels to work all the time because my knees, ankles, and plantar fascia are really starting to bother me and it's making me feel old.
I am committed to eating better, bringing my lunch to work or coming home for lunch, and forcing more plants into my diet.
I am committed to buying a cheap blender so I can make smoothies, thus easily forcing plants into my diet.
I am committed to not get cancer again. Just sayin'.
I am committed to doing this FOR ME and not for anyone else. Because I love me. I'm freakin' awesome. And this will make me freakin' awesomer.
FUCKIN' A. Go team.
As part of a corporate training at work a few months back, our corporate bosses asked all of us instructors to write out our commitments to the company, to the school, to the students and to ourselves, and then had us share our commitment statement with the whole group. The theory behind this being that we're more likely to keep to a commitment when we take the time to write it out and state it aloud to others.
Having just returned from the gym, exhausted and sweaty and 520 calories lighter, I am choosing to state my commitment to myself aloud to all of you who choose to read this.
I am committed to my health and wellness.
I am committed to work out at least three times a week, even if I only walk on a treadmill. Any exercise is better than no exercise. (Sound familiar mom and Chelsea?) :)
After a few weeks of getting back into cardiovascular shape, I am committed to attending Step Class at least twice per month at 24-Hour Fitness on 120th & Sheridan or 44th & Tennyson.
I am committed to eating out no more than once a week. If it so happens that I'm out a second time in any given week, I am committed to getting the HEALTHY option. Like, even something with plants in it.
I am committed to using the Lose It! app on my iPod Touch, which is a brilliant and wonderful app that tracks weight, exercise, calorie intake, and goals. It's a free app. If you have an iPhone or iPod Touch, you should definitely download it!
I am committed to not set unrealistic goals for myself. I will never be a size 6 and I am okay with that. I want to comfortably fit into a size 12. They say the healthiest goal is 10% of one's current weight, so I'm shooting for 18.5 pounds by the end of the summer.
I am committed to keep to the pact I made with one of my students today. She said she gave up ice cream, beer, soda, and Starbucks until she graduates on August 5. I agreed to give up the same things for the same period of time. Though we both agreed that my vacation time July 7-11 doesn't count. :)
I am committed to buying at least two pairs of FLATS to wear instead of heels to work all the time because my knees, ankles, and plantar fascia are really starting to bother me and it's making me feel old.
I am committed to eating better, bringing my lunch to work or coming home for lunch, and forcing more plants into my diet.
I am committed to buying a cheap blender so I can make smoothies, thus easily forcing plants into my diet.
I am committed to not get cancer again. Just sayin'.
I am committed to doing this FOR ME and not for anyone else. Because I love me. I'm freakin' awesome. And this will make me freakin' awesomer.
FUCKIN' A. Go team.
Thursday, April 22, 2010
Gratitude List, 4/22/10
Boy, it's been way too long since I wrote one of these. Here are my current reasons to have an attitude of gratitude.
- I am grateful that my reconstructed breasts are as deceptively real-looking as they are. Sure, those of you that have experienced them first-hand can attest that they're a bit on the firm side, and of course they're still nippleless for the time being, but they look really freakin' real in a bra and no one who sees me in a low-cut shirt would ever guess they're fake. I was very worried that they wouldn't turn out well but I really am quite pleased with the result. Thank the gods (and my crazy, Turkish perfectionist of a plastic surgeon) for fabulously reconstructed boobies!
- I am grateful for Teresa and Jackie for organizing a fundraiser in my honor, to help me cover some medical bills. All I did was post a picture of the 4 bills I got in the mail one day and two days later, I'd received an invitation to my own benefit party. I know the two of you do a LOT to help out the Colorado Pagan community and I am just so, SO grateful to be one of the recipients of your time, effort, love, and help. Seriously. I don't have the words to express how much I appreciate what you're doing for me.
- I am grateful to be back in therapy! I haven't seen my therapist since before I moved to Tucson and a helluva lot has happened in that time span. Hooray for mental health insurance and sliding scales.
- I am grateful that my 7-month pregnant little sister is still clean and sober. HUZZAH for that, motherfuckers! I'm greatly looking forward to meeting my first nephew, Aiden, and I'm stoked that he won't be a meth baby. Also, I'm grateful to Aiden for saving Emily's life and getting her clean. *fingers crossed* that she doesn't go back to the old habits.
- I am grateful that the Avs are in the playoffs and playing pretty good hockey. I'm particularly grateful that we totally stole Game 3. Here's hoping for a win tonight in Game 5.
- I am grateful that my tattoo artist touched-up my lotus tat for free. Also, pretty grateful for how fucking deliciously hot he is. Makes the tattoo hurt less...
- I am grateful to have a really wicked awesome new T.A. on my team at work. If all y'all haven't met Tony yet, you should come on down on a Sunday and say hello. He's a fuckin' great addition to my team. Love you, Mista Powell!
- I am grateful to Jimmy and Heather and all the work they do for breast cancer research. They've been fundraising all year for their Avon Walk and they are total BC rock stars. Love you guys. So much.
- I am grateful to have spent yesterday afternoon with my cousin Melitta. The lung transplant she had 3 years ago is in chronic rejection and she's awaiting ANOTHER transplant, but she is still one of the most positive and funny people ever, even when everything in life seems sad and negative. This is one powerful 90-pound woman on oxygen. She is my personal inspiration for having gotten through cancer the way I did, and every minute spent with her is a gift from the gods.
- I am grateful, as always, for every one of my friends and especially my besties. Colt, Ash, Tre, Jimmy, Ty, Tyler, Weeks, mom, Katydid, and everyone else. I love you. So much. Can't find the words, really.
- I am grateful for Jose O'Shea's blue corn taquitos. And their guacamole. Chomp. Also, I'm grateful for Qdoba's new Craft 2 menu items, because a mini nachos and 2 soft tacos is the perfect Qdoba meal. Double chomp.
- I am grateful for OkCupid.com even though it's made my life kind of complicated over the last 6 months. It's still a really great place to meet people, even if the ones I've met have either turned douche or flaked-out on me so far. And I've met some good friends thru there (lookin' at you, Kate and SB!) so it's still a great site.
- I am grateful to the Universe, which is going to somehow scrounge up 4 massage clients per month for me to cover my HOA bill starting next month. Go on, Universe. Get on that.
- I am grateful that my hair is growing back as well as it is, and that I've reached the point where I don't feel like I HAVE to wear a wig to work anymore. This spring weather has made it too hot to wear the wig so I'm just rocking my GI Jane/tiny faux hawk. I feel naked and exposed but everyone seems to like it so I'm gonna keep rockin' it.
Okie dokey, artichokey. That's where I'm at. I'm grateful to you for reading this! Huggles!
- I am grateful that my reconstructed breasts are as deceptively real-looking as they are. Sure, those of you that have experienced them first-hand can attest that they're a bit on the firm side, and of course they're still nippleless for the time being, but they look really freakin' real in a bra and no one who sees me in a low-cut shirt would ever guess they're fake. I was very worried that they wouldn't turn out well but I really am quite pleased with the result. Thank the gods (and my crazy, Turkish perfectionist of a plastic surgeon) for fabulously reconstructed boobies!
- I am grateful for Teresa and Jackie for organizing a fundraiser in my honor, to help me cover some medical bills. All I did was post a picture of the 4 bills I got in the mail one day and two days later, I'd received an invitation to my own benefit party. I know the two of you do a LOT to help out the Colorado Pagan community and I am just so, SO grateful to be one of the recipients of your time, effort, love, and help. Seriously. I don't have the words to express how much I appreciate what you're doing for me.
- I am grateful to be back in therapy! I haven't seen my therapist since before I moved to Tucson and a helluva lot has happened in that time span. Hooray for mental health insurance and sliding scales.
- I am grateful that my 7-month pregnant little sister is still clean and sober. HUZZAH for that, motherfuckers! I'm greatly looking forward to meeting my first nephew, Aiden, and I'm stoked that he won't be a meth baby. Also, I'm grateful to Aiden for saving Emily's life and getting her clean. *fingers crossed* that she doesn't go back to the old habits.
- I am grateful that the Avs are in the playoffs and playing pretty good hockey. I'm particularly grateful that we totally stole Game 3. Here's hoping for a win tonight in Game 5.
- I am grateful that my tattoo artist touched-up my lotus tat for free. Also, pretty grateful for how fucking deliciously hot he is. Makes the tattoo hurt less...
- I am grateful to have a really wicked awesome new T.A. on my team at work. If all y'all haven't met Tony yet, you should come on down on a Sunday and say hello. He's a fuckin' great addition to my team. Love you, Mista Powell!
- I am grateful to Jimmy and Heather and all the work they do for breast cancer research. They've been fundraising all year for their Avon Walk and they are total BC rock stars. Love you guys. So much.
- I am grateful to have spent yesterday afternoon with my cousin Melitta. The lung transplant she had 3 years ago is in chronic rejection and she's awaiting ANOTHER transplant, but she is still one of the most positive and funny people ever, even when everything in life seems sad and negative. This is one powerful 90-pound woman on oxygen. She is my personal inspiration for having gotten through cancer the way I did, and every minute spent with her is a gift from the gods.
- I am grateful, as always, for every one of my friends and especially my besties. Colt, Ash, Tre, Jimmy, Ty, Tyler, Weeks, mom, Katydid, and everyone else. I love you. So much. Can't find the words, really.
- I am grateful for Jose O'Shea's blue corn taquitos. And their guacamole. Chomp. Also, I'm grateful for Qdoba's new Craft 2 menu items, because a mini nachos and 2 soft tacos is the perfect Qdoba meal. Double chomp.
- I am grateful for OkCupid.com even though it's made my life kind of complicated over the last 6 months. It's still a really great place to meet people, even if the ones I've met have either turned douche or flaked-out on me so far. And I've met some good friends thru there (lookin' at you, Kate and SB!) so it's still a great site.
- I am grateful to the Universe, which is going to somehow scrounge up 4 massage clients per month for me to cover my HOA bill starting next month. Go on, Universe. Get on that.
- I am grateful that my hair is growing back as well as it is, and that I've reached the point where I don't feel like I HAVE to wear a wig to work anymore. This spring weather has made it too hot to wear the wig so I'm just rocking my GI Jane/tiny faux hawk. I feel naked and exposed but everyone seems to like it so I'm gonna keep rockin' it.
Okie dokey, artichokey. That's where I'm at. I'm grateful to you for reading this! Huggles!
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