A year ago right now, I wasn't even diagnosed yet. I had just gotten my irregular mammogram and was awaiting biopsy, only to be diagnosed on 7/8/09 with Grade 3 Invasive Ductal Carcinoma.
A year later and I am just over-whelmed by the love and support I've received from more people than I ever would've imagined.
I spent today up in Breckenridge with my friend Bo, to watch my friends Heather and Jimmy cross the finish line at the Avon Breast Cancer Walk. These two walked 39.3 miles, a marathon and a half, over two days, and they did it in my honor. Now that I'm almost 6 months out of chemo and my hair officially looks like an intentional hairstyle, I didn't think I'd get very emotional up there but of course I was wrong. As I hugged Jimmy, one of my bestest bestest friends, the weight of the past year hit me all over again and I lost it, sobbing into his shoulder to let it go. As much as it's brought up in conversation in my every day life, I tend to forget that we're actually talking about ME here. It's so surreal, like we're talking about a close friend of mine. Then things like the Avon Walk happen and I remember HOLY SHIT, I FUCKING SURVIVED CANCER. CANCER, for fuck's sake. While I was going through it, waiting to see light at the end of the tunnel, I basically just put my head down and plowed through, doing what I had to do to fight for my life and stay alive. Chemo treatment 1, 2, 3, 4... boom boom boom, knock 'em out like it ain't no thang. And why was I able to survive like this? Because of charities like the Avon Walk that contribute to the research and science that kept me alive. So surreal.
The downside of being on this side of the tunnel is that this is where all the medical bills live. Between normal living expenses and medical bills, I've been having a very hard time surviving paycheck to paycheck, and I have a pile of unpaid bills sitting on my kitchen table, staring me down. Last night, however, my friend Manea threw a charity theme party in my honor to help raise money to pay off my medical bills. With one party, they did it. Raised enough to get me out from under this mountain (I think... need to actually add it all up...) and put me back on my feet. Colorado Pagan Community, I THANK YOU. I can't get over the love and support you've provided me over the past year, I am just so grateful.
You know, my dad (who is born-again) often tells me that I need to come to his church sometime so I can accept Jesus and be a part of his church community. He tells me that they're good people and they'll support me through these tough times. And I always tell him that I appreciate the offer but no thanks. I already have a spiritual community and they offer me more support than he can even fathom. He, of course, doesn't see Pagans as a spiritual community but that's his loss. I can't imagine a more fabulous and generous group of human beings. You people rock my motherfuckin' socks.
So as I look back through the tunnel, remembering how scared I was a year ago right now, I can honestly say that cancer hasn't been THAT bad and it's because of YOU. All of you fabulous creatures that have supported me and helped me though this year, you got me through it and I love you all for it. I cannot thank you enough!
Love and light,
Amber/Lotus
2 comments:
Wow.
You have been through an incredible journey; I admire your strength.
I am so happy for you, and for all the love and support that has surrounded you! I wish I could see you in person, it has been much, much, much too long! I hope you have a great summer! :)
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