Hold It In, Let It Out

I simultaneously love and hate
The Beginning.

I get swept up and I know my tendencies
I am a true Pisces, to a tee, whether or not
you believe in that sort of thing,
and the raging river of my emotions
pulls me in, sucks me under, and takes me on
the ride of my life.

Every time.
Seriously.

Being who I am
Knowing how I am
Yet knowing how others are
I find myself constantly having to hold it in
when I want nothing more than to
Let
It
All
Out.
Balls to the wall
Full steam ahead
Caution to the wind
Ready to be blind-sided at any minute but consciously deciding
not to give a damn until it happens.

Not to toot my own horn
but I have such a big heart
and so much love to give
that it spooks people when first confronted
with ME.
The Real Me.
The Me Me.
It can come off as needy.
But it's not needy. It's givey. There's a difference.

The dichotomy of walking this fine line
between holding some Me back,
letting it out a little at a time rather than unleashing a
tidal wave of Amber,
and knowing the true Me in my mind
can get oh so confusing
And I often find that I can't remember
what cards I've laid out and which ones are still hidden.

I know
I KNOW.

JUST BE YOURSELF.

IF THEY DON'T LIKE IT, SCREW 'EM.

Easier said than done.
And you know it.

It's okay, though.
One of these days, I'll figure it out.
The perfect balance of Me and Me.
Or Me and Them.
Or Us, united, as one?

I suppose that's the whole point, isn't it?