Single and tolerating it.

After a 2-week visit at Christmas, Aaron returned to Tucson on Jan 3, thus officially ending our relationship. I have been single since that day and have felt like I've been doing a fairly good job in this new position.

Meaning: I've gone three whole months without a companion for the first time since the mid-90's, and I haven't had a meltdown yet. In fact, I thought that I'd been kind of enjoying my freedom from checking-in and from fighting for real estate in the bed throughout the night.

As it turns out, I have not been single and loving it. I've simply been tolerating it.

While talking with a friend today, I realized how much I miss the companionship that comes along with a good relationship. See, I thought the hardest part of being single was going to be the lack of easily-accessible sex. Nope. Turns out it's the companionship thing.

I miss laying in bed and talking before falling asleep. I miss always having dinner with someone. I miss the inside jokes. I miss spooning. And kissing. I miss random fits of laughter. I miss laughing at the cat together. I miss watching Discovery Channel together. And I miss having a hand to hold as I walk around town.

These things, I took for granted. I sometimes pulled away from Aaron (and Alex) when they were giving me these things on a silver platter. At the moment, I'd give just about anything for this kind of intimacy. Even without the sex.

And, lemme tell ya, I miss the sex part. A lot.

*sigh*

Oh well. Being single isn't so bad. I mean, I'm getting my life in order, what with the great job and the new friends and buying the townhouse and all that jazz, so I guess I'm getting myself ready to be a good partner. I'm preparing for my next big Love, my next Soul Mate (I'm of the opinion that we have many soul mates. It's just mathematics: I'm supposed to believe that people find the one and only perfect match out of 6 billion people on Earth? And this happens ALL THE TIME?). Yes, preparing my life for what is to come. Yeah. That's it. Sure.

I just wish I had someone to hold me in the meantime...


I miss this. A lot.


I miss this too.